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Strategic dairy reserves dropped below emergency limits this Tuesday as retail aisles emptied from coast to coast. Economists caution that without swift government aged-block stimulus, grilled cheeses will soon be made with unauthorized room-temperature mayonnaise.
Municipal tax collectors are currently holding three 40-pound wheels of mild colby in escrow while county assessors scramble to determine depreciation.
Behind a nondescript laundromat door in downtown Chicago, connoisseurs are paying $45 an ounce just to inhale the steam off illicit Gruyère griddles.
Forget solitary charcuterie grazing. Cultural anthropologists argue that humanity peaked in 1974 when four adults gathered around an electric vat of boiling emmental.